The 7 HABITS of Highly EFFECTIVE People (Stephen R. Covey)

Introduction

“Welcome to the presentation of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People with Dr. Stephen Covey. Aside from the introduction, I am delighted to welcome you to The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I believe that your participation in this process can be one of the most exciting learning experiences of your life. The essential purpose of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is to learn how to lead your life in a truly effective manner.

What It Is Not

To describe what the material of The Seven Habits is, let me share with you what it is not. It is not a quick-fix program, it is not a one-month program. It is a process of personal and interpersonal growth and development that will require not only great ongoing efforts but also much patience. As we know, real growth and development cannot happen overnight. You will need to pay a price for a long time to reap the benefits of these habits. Implementing the seven habits is a personal climb like climbing a mountain. It won’t be easy; it will be a challenge as you ascend the mountain, so to speak. With the material of the seven habits, you will be very aware of loose gravel, that is, loose stones in your lives. You may slip, maybe even fall once or twice. You will feel the force of old habits against you. But I assure you that as you continue your ascent and endure the effort, you will begin to feel a level of excitement and achievement from entirely new heights in your life, from higher and higher levels of effectiveness.

Benefits of Applying Effort

Applying this effort, you can expect to increase your capacity to achieve your personal and professional goals and develop better working relationships with your colleagues and all your loved ones. In short, you can expect to become more effective. I believe the way to get the most out of the seven habits is to have broad criteria, to be open to self-discovery, to truly participate, to seek ways to apply and implement these habits in your life. Our habits shape our character. You may have heard the quote, ‘Sow a thought and you reap an action. Sow an action and you reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap a character. Sow a character and you reap a destiny.’ For our purposes, we will define a habit as the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire. Knowledge is the theoretical component, the what and why. Skill is the practical part, the how. And desire is the motivational part, the wanting to do it. For something in our lives to become a habit, we must literally have all three components.”

The Power of Habits

“Habits are powerful factors in our lives; they constantly express our character and determine the level of our effectiveness or ineffectiveness. In the words of an English poet, ‘First, we create our habits, then our habits create us.’ The seven habits are simply common sense and organized common sense. But remember, common sense is not always common practice. I invite you to make the investment, to dedicate the time and effort, to focus on the kind of changes that you must consistently and permanently face to develop these habits.”

Development of the Seven Habits

“Part of character and personality, the development of the seven habits began with a study that I completed in 1976. I wanted to study the idea of success in America and how it had evolved. So, I read popular literature on success written over the past 200 years. This includes books, magazine articles, bibliographies, essays, reviews—I literally consulted thousands of sources directly or indirectly. As I worked, I began to feel a common pattern. When I felt this pattern, I looked for evidence, and the evidence was everywhere. The basic finding was this: during the first 150 years, almost all the literature focused on character, on principles, on what we might call an ethics of character—attributes like integrity, fidelity, courage, compassion, contribution, responsibility, justice. These findings became the basis for writing The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Then, due to many forces and social changes, the emphasis gradually shifted to principles at the beginning of this century, particularly in the 1920s and 1930s. I look at the ethics of character versus what we might call the ethics of personality, which focuses more on techniques than on principles. You may be familiar with many books that illustrate the literature of personality ethics. Basically, they refer to taking care of oneself, like looking good, dressing correctly, creating the right image. In other words, personality ethics focuses more on how to appear than on how to be. Many of these techniques have real merit. However, if they do not have their roots in the ethics of character, if they do not have their roots in principles, they will not be able to create lasting effectiveness. For example, what if people learn techniques to influence others that are fundamentally manipulative or based on deception? What if they try to use others to build their own economic power? Maybe they can develop smooth business relationships; maybe they can achieve their personal goals—money, fame, glory, whatever. But they will never really have cared about their contribution or their services, their purposes, the value of their action, the help to others. What confidence would people have in such individuals? Would they be willing to follow or trust them when things get tough? Once, a student came to see me and said, ‘How am I doing in your class?’ I looked him in the eyes and said, ‘Do you really know how you’re doing?’ ‘Not much better than me,’ he looked down and then said, ‘Well, not very well, I guess. I’ve had.'”

Recognition of Character

“Very bad moments, possibly I haven’t studied as much as I should. You really came to find out what impression you make on me, to what extent I find you sympathetic, isn’t that right? When, in fact, you know very well how you’re doing. ‘Well, how am I doing?’ ‘Let’s talk about what really happens, not what seems to be happening.’ This personality ethic, with its focus on techniques, is like the tip of an iceberg. The tip or the part that is seen above the surface is above the water. Character ethic is like the large mass of the iceberg below the water. People often don’t work on the base where the large mass is, where the greatest long-term impact is. Too many people give all their energy and focus only on the tip of the iceberg. This is learning techniques that others can see. This occurs even in organizations, not just in individuals. Programs change, practices change, principles do not change. If we help people and organizations internalize principles, then they will know how to adapt practices to manage specific situations. Let me emphasize that techniques have their place. They are very important, I really believe that. We want techniques for good human relations, public relations techniques, communication techniques, management techniques. But when we use techniques to cover up our lack of character, they become manipulative, undermining trust and reliability. What we really need is character ethic, and that is essentially what the seven habits are about. This material is based on an inside-out approach. That means we give our first energy to the development of our character before focusing on techniques or how to be more effective with others. Gandhi beautifully demonstrated this principle.

One day, a mother came to see him and said, ‘Would you help my son reduce the amount of sugar he takes?’ Gandhi paused, thought, and replied, ‘Well, let me.’ A week later, the mother came back. He spoke with the boy, and the boy agreed. The mother said, ‘Why didn’t you talk to him last week?’ Gandhi smiled and said, ‘You don’t understand. Last week, I was also eating sugar. Unless we work on our character, we will not develop reliability. And reliability is built with a combination of character and competence. We can have all the skills in the world, but if we don’t have the basic character to be reliable, to take responsibility, others will soon distrust us. They will think we’re only trying to achieve our own ends, maybe at their expense. In my opinion, unless we return to character ethic, we won’t have the fundamental foundation of reliability that leads to indispensable trust in creating effective interpersonal relationships. In the final analysis, who we are communicates much more eloquently than what we say. We do. I love the quote from Emerson and Davis: ‘Of every thousand strikes of the ax that hew at the branches of evil, one strikes at the root.’ In other words, let’s work first on the roots to begin building the foundations of reliability. This is one of the key areas that the seven habits focus on: building character and competence and restoring reliability and trust in our lives, in the lives of our families, of our organizations. Trust and reliability are really the foundation of personal and interpersonal leadership. They are the foundation of true effectiveness.”

Framework of the Seven Habits

“Now, before delving into the habits, I’d like to backtrack to the essential framework, the basic structure of the seven habits as a whole. They are organized in a particular way for a reason. They are interrelated; in fact, the relationships and sequence among the habits are the key to their overall power. To visualize the sequential and progressive nature of the seven habits, I’d like to use a simple diagram called the Continuum of Maturity. Maturity refers to the process leading to growth and development, and continuum refers to the continuous nature of growth and progression. If we were to see a line of the continuum of maturity from low maturity to high maturity, there would be three basic levels.”

Levels of Maturity

“There are three basic levels: the first level is dependence, the second level is independence, and the third and highest level is interdependence. I’ll define these terms briefly. Dependence means that you need others to achieve what you want. We all start life as dependent infants, relying on others for food and sustenance. I can be intellectually dependent on other people’s thinking; I can be emotionally dependent on affirmation or validation from others. Dependence is the attitude of ‘You take care of me, you achieve this for me, or you don’t achieve it for me; I blame you for the results.’ Independence basically means that you are free from external influence, control, and support from others. You think and act for yourself; you are self-validated, self-directed, self-reliable. You get what you want through your own efforts. While it’s possible to be independent in various areas—physical, financial, intellectual, emotional—while not being independent in others, independence is the attitude of ‘I can do it, I am responsible, I am self-reliable, I can choose.’ True independence of character empowers us to act more than to be acted upon. It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people. It is the overt goal of many individuals and also of many social movements that support independence as the highest goal. But it is not the ultimate goal in effective living. There is a more mature and advanced level. The third and highest level on the continuum of maturity is interdependence. If people were interdependent, how would it be? It would be much like a marriage, like a family, like an executive team where cooperation is necessary to fulfill what I want, what you want, and what we all want. In fact, we live in an interdependent reality. Interdependence is vital for good leaders, good sports teams, success in marriage, family life, and organizations. Interdependence is the attitude of ‘We can cooperate, we can be a team, we can combine talents, skills, best efforts to achieve the best of successes.’ This is the basic vision.”

Progression from Independence to Interdependence

“Think about this: until we are independent, we cannot be interdependent. I’ll say it again: until we are independent, we cannot be interdependent. In other words, we cannot solve equations before understanding algebra; we cannot run before learning to walk; we cannot learn to work cooperatively with others if we don’t have internal self-mastery. That’s why the first three habits—be proactive, begin with the end in mind, and put first things first—focus on self-mastery, self-control, and self-discipline. They form the deepest part of our character, constituting what I call private victory, victory over oneself. Private victories must precede public victories. To effectively lead others, we must first effectively lead ourselves. For example, when I make a commitment to wake up early and exercise and actually follow through, I feel good. I feel better about myself. I have more emotional strength, more physical energy. This is a private victory. As a result, I’m better in all my relationships with others. That’s the public victory. However, have you noticed a tendency to be irritable with others after failing to fulfill a commitment to oneself? I know from my own experience that at the root of many of my weaknesses, my failures in dealing with others, are failures to win my own private victory.”

Development of Personal and Interpersonal Effectiveness

“These first three habits take us from dependence to independence. Then, once people have self-control and a sense of independence, they are ready to deal with the next three habits: think win-win, seek first to understand, then to be understood, and synergize. All of these help us in our relationships with others, empowering us to succeed with people. Habits 4, 5, and 6 develop what I call public victory—effectiveness with others. They are based on teamwork, cooperation, and communication. Habits 4, 5, and 6 utilize our personality, rely more on skills, and lead us from independence to interdependence. It’s the attitude of ‘we,’ the attitude of cooperation to achieve desired results. Habit 7, called sharpen the”

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

“The seventh habit is the habit of renewal, renewal with balance in all dimensions of life. It surrounds and directs the other habits. It is the habit of continuous improvement that creates an upward spiral of development and growth. Interdependence is a choice that only independent people can make. For example, let’s say you are my supervisor, and I am very dependent on your opinion of me. I also depend on you financially and intellectually. But let’s say you have some weaknesses in your performance and really need feedback. I am aware of your weaknesses; I also have enough capability to give you feedback, but I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t do it because I depend too much on you. I’m angry with you—angry because your weaknesses harm me. I have what is often called a love-hate relationship. The person I depend on always wants to control me. If I disagree with him, he gets angry with me because I was going to give him honest feedback. But I don’t want to break my relationship with you. So what do I do? I talk to others; gossip starts. We validate each other, and we all speak ill of you. We simply are not interdependent. If I were truly interdependent, I would first be independent. I could go to you and say, ‘Can we have a talk? I’d like to share some concerns with you.’ But if you were also dependent and had to use your position of power to intimidate me, then you might say, ‘What’s wrong with you, Stephen? Let’s clarify this once and for all.

What’s happening to you?’ For my part, if I were emotionally and intellectually independent of you, I could be brave and kind at the same time, patient. I wouldn’t give up, but I wouldn’t submit. I could say, ‘We need more time so we’re not interrupted. Let’s do it at our mutual convenience.’ You would feel like you’re talking to a person of integrity, power, strength, and courage. You would also notice my opportunities for professional development and how I exercise them. I have ten other jobs waiting for me at any given time. Perhaps you also know that I am the only one on your team who does not speak ill of you. I don’t need gossip; your weakness doesn’t increase my energy. I don’t want to do something to hurt you; I want to do something to help you, to cope with your weaknesses or perhaps help you compensate for your deficiencies in some way. I am the most positive person on your entire team; I am almost indispensable.

The first three habits develop that kind of strength, courage, and ability. The next 3 habits help me know how to work effectively with you so that my strength doesn’t intimidate you. I can empathize with you; I can read the needs of the situation and figure out the best way to analyze it so that we can both cooperate and solve the problem. You would see me as the best problem-solving source on your entire team. Interdependence is where real freedom is, where the excitement is, where the adventure is. The best comes out in view. That’s the continuum of maturity, the adventure of building powerful interdependent relationships, interdependent teams.”

Habit 1: Be Proactive

“Decisions are based on values, not conditions. The opposite of being proactive is reactive, which means that your life is a function of your feelings, moods, and others’ attitudes. The fundamental principle of Habit 1, Be Proactive, is taking responsibility. The concept is that you and I have the ability to choose our responses.”

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

“Essentially, all things are created twice, and Habit 2 is the first creation. Beginning with the end in mind implies that you see a mental image, a panorama, of where you want to go in this meeting, in this relationship, in this year, in your life. For a company, it’s the vision of its future; it’s the creation of that vision. Habit 2 is based on the principle of vision, purpose, and meaning.”

Habit 3: Put First Things First

“The second creation, putting first things first means that you’ve decided what is primary, thanks to Habit 2, and now you have the discipline and commitment to keep the main thing the main thing. The opposite of putting first things first is putting important things second, third, or fourth. It’s why many people, although they deeply value their family relationships, health, and personal integrity, get caught up in powerful social values, schedules, and agendas that form their culture and never question whether they have created their life or are governed by what others created.”

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

“Habit 4, Think Win-Win, is the habit of mutual benefit. The fundamental paradigm or principle is abundance. There’s plenty to go around, so there’s no need to feel threatened by other people’s strength. They can nurture competition around them at the highest level. It’s not a threat; they can share knowledge, recognition, achievements, profits. The opposite of abundance is scarcity. It’s like a piece of cake; it always seems small. If you win an award, then I don’t. If I share my profits, I’ll have less. Habit 4, Think Win-Win, comes from the principle of abundance, not scarcity, meaning the cake can keep getting bigger.”

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

“Habit 5, Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood, is the habit of empathic communication, meaning that the first thing is always to understand. The teacher studies, learns before teaching; the doctor diagnoses before prescribing; the lawyer investigates before developing the case. Understand first before seeking to be understood; before seeking to contribute; before taking action; before making a decision.”

Habit 6: Synergize

“Habit 6, Synergize, is the habit of creative cooperation. Seeking to understand, we create something that wasn’t there before. It requires high levels of cooperation. The principle behind Habit 6 is the principle that one cannot equal three, four, ten, twenty thousand. It’s the principle that by synchronizing two mechanisms, something better than the sum of the two separated is achieved. It’s the principle of valuing differences, not just tolerating them, not just accepting them, but celebrating them.”

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

“Habit 7 is called Sharpen the Saw, the principle of renewal, the principle of continuous learning, continuous progress, continuous improvement. It’s based on the principle that we have the ability to recharge our own batteries. The opposite of Habit 7, Sharpen the Saw, is letting the blade dull, letting the mind atrophy, letting the body lose its tone and vitality with junk food, lack of exercise, trying to live a life of hedonism in search of easy pleasures instead of a life of contribution and service. This habit renews the other six habits.”

Teaching Process

The process of teaching to a third person is as follows: The best way to learn something is by teaching it. How many are aware of this? How many of you know that by teaching something is when we really learn? In 5 minutes, you’ll be teaching what I’m about to teach you in the next 5 minutes. See yourselves as teachers. I’m going to describe briefly the process of three people and the four benefits this process has. Notice your behavior right now. Don’t see yourselves as simple passive students; see yourselves as active teachers. You’re preparing to teach, and that significantly enhances your learning. That’s the first benefit. The first person teaches the second person. The first captures, understands, evaluates to see if it makes sense, thinks about the application, and then teaches a third person. Then that person teaches another person. This way, they can cascade the material throughout the organization. That’s the second benefit. When you teach, you significantly increase the likelihood of application. For example, if you’re teaching people to listen better, it’s not likely that you yourselves want to listen better. The most important learning comes from doing.

Teaching can give you a more intellectual understanding, but the internalization of the ideas comes in applying those ideas. It’s an even higher level of learning. The third benefit: When you teach, you significantly improve communication. Analyze the process of three people. Why do you think communication will improve significantly? See that the first person teaches and the second person first captures or understands before evaluating. What’s the number one obstacle in the field of communication? That people don’t listen, don’t capture accurately, evaluate while they’re listening. But if people were trained to capture accurately before judging, they could listen for purpose, the main points, how each point is tested or validated, how each point is illustrated or applied, and then evaluate.

The fourth benefit: When these things happen, it’s very fertile for the relationship. The relationship becomes deeper and stronger because there’s a lot of authenticity, sincerity, empathy, and creativity manifested in the communication processes. When you do this with your own children, you’ll learn better. Next time you send someone to a convention, a training activity, a board meeting of the association, before they go, have them teach back. When they come back, you’ll have the privilege of distilling the essence of what they learned to certain people for half an hour. Attend all the meetings sober, take notes from the moment they tell you, they’ll have you sweating cold seriously. Going to work with all guns blazing is the simplest but most powerful thing I’ve learned in the field of education. Use the process of three people, and you’ll double or triple the impact. And with the four benefits mentioned, it’s the essence of the process we use: the process of three people. [Music]

Introduction to Seven Habits

Hello, Kobe Leadership Center. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People with Dr. Stephen Recuerda. Components of the Seven Habits. When addressing the material of the Seven Habits, we must realize that they are based on principles, on natural laws. That’s why we present this fundamental material first. We need to understand the concept of principle and the concept of paradigm, and also how to define effectiveness. Then we’ll see the 7 habits. I assert that principles are not just objective, true, external natural laws but are also self-evident because I found that for any group of informed people acting freely and synergistically, value systems are the same. I discovered that regardless of someone’s background, their religion, culture, nationality, race, gender, regardless of their level in the organization, regardless of the industry or profession, the same fundamental values are universal. They represent what we call principles. Some enjoy widespread consensus: integrity, service, contribution, growth and development, kindness, proper treatment of people, dignity, justice. These are universal. Each of the habits represents a principle, a fundamental self-evident natural law. Let’s see an anecdote that illustrates the difference between social values and principles. It was a dark and stormy night. The captain, Captain, wake up! What’s happening? I regret waking you up, sir.

Teaching Process and Importance of Principles

The video segment begins with an individual explaining the process of teaching to a third person. They emphasize that the best way to learn something is by teaching it to others. They encourage the audience to adopt an active teaching mindset rather than being passive learners. The process involves teaching something to a third person, who then teaches it to another person, creating a cascade effect throughout the organization.

Benefits of Teaching

The speaker outlines four main benefits of this teaching process:

1. Enhanced Learning: Teaching increases one’s understanding and retention of the material being taught.
2. Increased Application: Teaching significantly boosts the likelihood of applying what is learned.
3. Improved Communication: Teaching enhances communication skills by emphasizing the importance of accurately capturing and evaluating information before responding.
4. Strengthened Relationships: Teaching fosters deeper and more authentic relationships through increased empathy and sincerity in communication.

Importance of Principles

The video then transitions to discussing the significance of principles in leadership and personal development. The speaker illustrates the difference between social values and universal principles using a maritime anecdote. They emphasize the importance of humility, openness, and learning in aligning values with principles.

Understanding Principles

The segment further explores the concept of principles, highlighting their universal nature and their governance over various aspects of life, including communication, education, and physical health. The speaker emphasizes the importance of continuous effort and adherence to principles for personal growth and development.

Physical Challenge and Persistence

As a practical demonstration, the audience is challenged to perform twenty push-ups, showcasing the idea that achieving results requires persistent effort and cannot be simulated or faked.

Conclusion

The segment concludes with a reminder that genuine progress and development demand consistent effort and dedication. The speaker encourages the audience to recognize the importance of paying the price for growth and learning, rather than seeking shortcuts or easy solutions.

Understanding Principles and Nature

The segment delves into the concept of principles that transcend human control. It emphasizes that while individuals may control their actions, the consequences are governed by principles. The analogy of teaching someone to fish rather than giving them a fish underscores the importance of imparting principles alongside practices, as situations may change but principles remain constant.

Agricultural Practices and Principle Adherence

The discussion shifts to agricultural practices, particularly the cultivation of potatoes, where adherence to principles is crucial for a successful harvest. The speaker highlights the importance of soil rotation, preparation, and dedication to quality to ensure premium produce. They stress the severity of nature’s consequences when its rules are violated, emphasizing the need for consistent effort and respect for natural principles.

Challenges and Lessons in Agriculture

The segment further explores the challenges faced in agriculture, including time constraints and the need for competence and preparedness to avoid losses. Lessons learned include the futility of shortcuts, the importance of timely decisions, and the recognition that technological advancements cannot replace hard work and sound judgment.

Importance of Human Factor and Adaptability

Contrary to the belief that technological advancements alone drive success, the speaker emphasizes the indispensable role of human effort, patience, and adaptability in achieving agricultural success. They caution against viewing technology as a substitute for human labor and stress the importance of embracing change while maintaining integrity and preparedness.

Conclusion: Embracing Nature and Paradigms

The segment concludes by acknowledging the unpredictability of nature and the necessity of respecting its rhythms. The speaker reflects on the character-building aspects of agricultural life and introduces the concept of paradigms as mental models that shape perceptions and understanding of the world.

Overall, the segment underscores the significance of adhering to principles, respecting nature’s laws, and embracing human ingenuity while remaining grounded in fundamental truths.

Perception and Paradigms

The segment explores how our perceptions of reality are shaped by our backgrounds and experiences. It suggests that we don’t see the world as it is but rather as we are, projecting our experiences, beliefs, and values onto our surroundings. The speaker illustrates this concept with the analogy of a map, highlighting how our mental maps, or paradigms, influence our behavior and attitudes.

Understanding Paradigms

A paradigm is likened to a map, which guides our actions and interpretations of the world around us. The speaker presents a scenario where someone is given a map of Portland labeled as Seattle, demonstrating how our perceptions can be misled by faulty information. Paradigms are described as belief systems about how things are and how they should be represented, forming our reality.

Influence of Paradigms on Behavior

The narrative continues with an anecdote about a disruptive audience member during a speech. The speaker’s mother, seated nearby, becomes increasingly agitated by the individual’s behavior until she finally approaches the conference organizer to address the issue. However, it is revealed that the disruptive person was actually a Korean translator for another attendee, illustrating how different perspectives and paradigms can lead to misunderstandings.

Paradigm Shift: Understanding Deeper Realities

The segment begins with a personal anecdote about a disruptive experience on the subway. The speaker initially judges a father and his unruly children, but upon learning that the mother had just passed away, their paradigm shifts drastically, leading to a change in attitude and behavior.

Importance of Paradigms Over Attitudes

The narrative underscores the significance of paradigms over attitudes and behaviors, citing examples from personal interactions and societal dynamics. The speaker highlights how shifts in paradigms can fundamentally alter perceptions and interactions, urging introspection and reflection on personal paradigms.

Societal Influence and Social Mirrors

The discussion extends to societal influences and the concept of the social mirror. Drawing parallels to funhouse mirrors, the speaker suggests that societal norms and expectations serve as distorted reflections that shape individuals’ self-perceptions and behaviors. They emphasize the impact of social paradigms on interpersonal relationships and self-image.

Role of Perception in Relationships

The segment concludes by exploring the role of perception in relationships, particularly parent-child dynamics. The speaker encourages parents to examine their perceptions of their children, recognizing their potential and refraining from labeling them based solely on present behaviors. They caution against the self-fulfilling prophecy of treating others based on preconceived notions, urging empathy and understanding in interpersonal interactions.

The overarching message emphasizes the need for awareness and mindfulness in navigating personal paradigms and societal influences to foster healthier relationships and deeper understanding.

Paradigms and Self-Reflection

What do you really believe? Yes, but what do I do with your behavior and your total unavailability to cooperate? To do your part, review your paradigm, review the map you have of it. I remember being in a situation like this with one of my teenage sons just before entering high school. He became problematic, not functioning well in any area. Athletically, people laughed seeing how he swung before the ball was even thrown. Academically, it’s not that he did poorly in exams; he couldn’t even start them. And socially, sometimes he was very shy. Look at the evidence we had. And Sandra and I, my wife, would say about this, “Maybe every family deserves to have one like this, but we love the boy, and we were concerned.” I remember once I spoke on the subject in Armonk, New York. I was talking about the study that opened up the entire field of what’s called the self-fulfilling prophecy, on a computer in England that declared a bright group as dumb. The teacher says, “The bright group is here, they have an IQ of 120 or 130, and they really love to learn, they’re charming.” And this group, to appreciate them, you just have to see their faces. This group is also charming, but they don’t have the same capacity, and it’s something that must be admitted. Notice what’s happening: the teacher is describing a reality, right? Things are like this, and the children accept and act like this for several months. In other words, that becomes their vision, their paradigm. But you know, several months later, it was discovered that there was an error in the computer, and the two groups were misclassified. Immediately, they retested them without telling anyone, and this group went up by 18 points, and another group went down by 14 points. The self-fulfilling prophecy. Our maps and paradigms of ourselves are largely a function of the social mirror, a reversal based on expectations, paradigms, mental representations, maps held by other people. That’s the significance of paradigms. And notice how behavior and attitude flow from how one sees, as I was saying while I was teaching the same thing I’m teaching you now, I was actually thinking about my son. Maybe the problem is my paradigm, maybe the problem is me and not my son. I talked to my wife when I returned from that trip and said, “I wonder if with the social mirror we’re using, we’re not contributing quite a bit to the boy’s problems and difficulties, to his shortcomings and insecurities.” We discovered that to some extent, we were trying to gain social prestige through the performance of our children; that was part of our motivation, what people would think of us through our children. We were very pleased when people spoke well of us because of our children’s performance. We were concerned about the danger of not achieving that prestige. We see what we seek, so we explored our motives, and we said, “This is not what we’re seeking.” We began to see it differently, as a person with their own rights who should not be compared to anyone else, by not entering into the social mirror of comparison against schemes and norms, we could see him as a late bloomer with tremendous potential who didn’t respond in some areas. We don’t know why; every young person is a great potential, and we were trying to label him. See what I mean about the tendency to project our own experiences as in a home movie and project onto another person and label, but we never explored our own motives, we never became reflective and introspective. Things were going well with the other children, but suddenly something threw us off our standard operating procedure, and trying to motivate him with easy recipes like, “Come on, think positively,” or “Don’t take your eyes off the ball when it approaches,” “Now, you’re batting, okay, son, don’t worry about it, forget it, everyone makes mistakes, it’s okay,” and when we talked alone, “Today, we have a big problem, duplicity, lack of principles, as if they had no merit of their own.” That was the hardest part of therapy, dealing with oneself, exploring our own paradigms, freeing them. But when you try to own people, to possess them, to have their performance reflected in your reputation, your basic motivation structure conditions your paradigm about that person, and you’ll see them through the frame of reference of your social mirror, and you enter into the self-fulfilling prophecy. Let’s hope our humility awakens our interest and willingness to analyze our ideas about life and to question ourselves, particularly when it comes to our own maps, those of our loved ones, our bosses, our associates, close people, and so with all humility, ask other people how they see it, what their point of view is, what their perspective is, what their frame of reference is, what their opinion is, and constantly gain a clearer sense of how things are, achieving a better and better paradigm. [Music]

Further on Effectiveness

More on effectiveness, the seven habits of highly effective people. Highly effective, not mediocre effectiveness, not low-level effectiveness, high effectiveness, large amounts of effectiveness. What do we mean by effectiveness? We could use the word success, but that word carries too many connotations of old social values about having it all, so we use the word effectiveness. 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. You know the famous story about a poor farmer who had

Understanding Effectiveness and Balance

In this segment, the speaker delves into the essence of effectiveness using a fable about a farmer who discovers a goose laying golden eggs. The fable highlights the importance of balance between achieving desired results (production) and the capacity to continue producing those results (production capacity). The speaker emphasizes the need for maintaining assets and resources to ensure sustained productivity.

Application of Effectiveness in Various Contexts

The discussion extends to different domains of human performance, such as physical health, mental development, and professional endeavors. The speaker prompts the audience to reflect on instances where they may have prioritized short-term gains over long-term sustainability, leading to eventual decline or failure.

Implications for Personal and Professional Growth

Drawing parallels between personal and professional life, the speaker illustrates how neglecting production capacity can have detrimental effects. Examples include neglecting physical fitness leading to health issues, failing to update skills leading to professional obsolescence, or compromising family relationships for career success.

The Importance of Balance in Relationships and Organizations

The narrative explores the repercussions of imbalance in relationships and organizational dynamics. It highlights how neglecting production capacity in marriages or family life can lead to discord and dissatisfaction, despite outward success in other areas. Similarly, in organizational contexts, disregarding the capacity to maintain customer relationships can result in significant losses and reputational damage.

Conclusion: Emphasizing Balance and Sustainability

The segment concludes with a call to prioritize balance and sustainability in all aspects of life, whether personal or professional. It underscores the need to maintain a balance between short-term gains and long-term viability to achieve lasting success and fulfillment.

The Importance of Balance in Customer Relations

The speaker emphasizes the need for alignment between what customers want and an organization’s capacity to continually produce for those customers. They illustrate this concept through a story about a popular clam chowder restaurant whose success dwindled after compromising on the quality of their soup. This highlights the importance of maintaining production capacity to sustain customer loyalty and success in business.

Balancing Production Capacity in Organizations

The discussion extends to the implications of neglecting production capacity in organizations, particularly concerning employee-customer interactions. The speaker explores how cutting corners on employee training or neglecting customer service initiatives can ultimately erode an organization’s ability to deliver consistent results. This neglect can lead to a loss of trust and loyalty among both employees and customers, ultimately harming the organization’s long-term viability.

Cultivating Strong Emotional Bank Accounts

The concept of the emotional bank account is introduced as analogous to production capacity in human relationships. The speaker explains how consistent deposits of trust and goodwill build reserves in these accounts, allowing for occasional withdrawals without damaging the relationship. Conversely, when these accounts are overdrawn due to a lack of trust or communication, even minor missteps can lead to significant conflicts and breakdowns in communication.

Examples of Emotional Deposits and Withdrawals

The segment concludes with examples of emotional deposits and withdrawals in relationships. These examples illustrate how trust and communication can either strengthen or weaken emotional bank accounts, ultimately shaping the quality of human interactions. The speaker emphasizes the importance of consistent investment in these accounts to maintain healthy and productive relationships.

Deposits and Withdrawals in Emotional Bank Accounts

The speaker discusses various actions that serve as deposits and withdrawals in emotional bank accounts, emphasizing their impact on relationships.

Deposits:

1. Politeness and Courtesy: Treating others with kindness and respect contributes positively to emotional bank accounts.
2. Keeping Promises: Fulfilling promises builds trust and reliability, fostering a sense of dependability in relationships.
3. Managing Expectations: Clear communication and setting realistic expectations prevent misunderstandings and build trust.
4. Being Loyal to Absentees: Speaking positively about absent individuals demonstrates loyalty and integrity, strengthening relationships.
5. Constructive Criticism: Offering constructive feedback shows care and concern for personal and professional growth.
6. Apologizing: Acknowledging mistakes and apologizing demonstrates humility and a commitment to repair relationships.

Withdrawals:

1. Rudeness and Discourtesy: Behaving rudely or disrespectfully towards others diminishes trust and goodwill.
2. Breaking Promises: Failing to keep promises erodes trust and reliability, damaging the foundation of relationships.
3. Creating Unreasonable Expectations: Fostering unclear or unrealistic expectations leads to disappointment and frustration.
4. Disloyalty to Absentees: Speaking negatively about absent individuals undermines trust and damages relationships.
5. Arrogance: Refusing to apologize for mistakes or shortcomings demonstrates arrogance and can strain relationships.

Importance of Apologizing and Acknowledging Mistakes

The speaker emphasizes the significance of apologizing and acknowledging mistakes as essential steps in maintaining healthy relationships. They illustrate this point with a personal anecdote involving a conflict between siblings and the importance of recognizing and rectifying one’s errors to prevent further harm.

Taking Responsibility and Letting Go

I can’t hold you responsible for my frustrations, I’m sorry. I know your intention was good, and I thought it requires true maturity, respect, and a lot of personal security to, in the midst of your anger, regain control, the ability to apologize, forget, and forgive, to leave resentment behind. This is one of the most liberating attitudes possible, and also a huge deposit in the other person.

Introduction to the Seven Habits

Kobe Leadership Center presents The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People with Dr. Stephen Herek.

Habit one: Be proactive. Part of being proactive is the key to implementing the seven habits. Now, we’ll see the foundational habit, habit one: be proactive. Why foundational? Because all the other habits flow from it. If habit one is present, the other six can be cultivated. If it’s not present, the other six cannot be cultivated.

Habit one, being proactive, basically means that your life is a product of your values, not your feelings. That your life or that of your organization is a product of your decisions, not conditions. The opposite of being proactive is being reactive, which basically means that your life is a function of your feelings, moods, impulses, and how others treat you.

The basic principle of habit one, being proactive, is assuming responsibility. The concept is, you and I have the ability to choose our response. If you don’t believe you’re capable of choosing your response, if you don’t have that vision of yourself, if you feel like a victim, I can guarantee you, you definitely won’t be empowered. You won’t begin with the end in mind, with a clear thought about the future. You’ll be tied to the past and you’ll put important things in second, third, fourth, or fifth place with your ladder against the wrong wall of thinking.

Being Proactive vs. Reactive

In a win-lose or lose-win mindset, you’ll always seek to be understood first before understanding, and you’ll constantly fail in all kinds of relationships because you and the other will feel misunderstood. You’ll live in battles of egos, ending in compromises instead of synergy, and you won’t dedicate time to sharpen the saw because you’ll never have time to refuel; you’ll be too busy, overwhelmed by trivialities.

That’s why habit one is fundamental; it’s the vital and fundamental component of the other habits. Again, we define it as the ability to subordinate impulses, moods, feelings, conditions to values based on principles, to subordinate until gradually our emotional life, which was in disorder, can have highs and lows emotionally but there will be stability, constancy in your nature regarding making and keeping promises to yourself and others. You can treat others kindly without capitulating on convictions; you can start practicing with the other habits that build on this.

Reactivity in Different Contexts

How many of you feel better when the weather is nice? There are physiological reasons for it; endorphins, chemicals of the mind, are released through sunlight. How many perform better when they feel better? That means we’re reactive to physical culture. If you’re proactive people, you can weather the climate regardless of physical culture and through radiating positive energy and smiling, you also release endorphins.

And what about social culture? How many feel better when they’re treated better? How many act better when they feel better? This is reactive to social climate, to social culture. If inwardly we learned to weather the social climate to be consistent in those difficult and adverse situations, to pursue worthwhile purposes, and to live according to principles or natural laws, we would be proactive.

Part of proactivity and reactivity is tested daily in multiple ways, in simple problems. And if we’re proactive at that moment, we gradually develop an extraordinary ability to handle significant upsets and disappointments. But often, we only see the obvious energy of proactivity during spectacular conflicts or brutal dramas. For example, Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist, a prisoner in the Nazi concentration camps for being Jewish, experienced incredible indignities and tortures. He had been trained in the Freudian tradition where basically one is a product of their childhood, working on those assumptions of the subconscious, but he came out with a totally different mindset.

Taking Responsibility and Personal Freedom

I can’t hold you accountable for my frustrations, I’m sorry. I know your intention was good, and I thought true maturity, respect, and a lot of personal security are required for someone to regain control amidst their anger. The ability to apologize, forget, forgive, and leave resentment behind is one of the most liberating attitudes possible and also a huge deposit in the other person.

Introduction to the Seven Habits

Kobe Leadership Center presents the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People with Dr. Stephen Covey. One of these habits is being proactive, which is the foundational habit because all other habits flow from it. If habit one is present, the other six can be cultivated; if not, the others cannot be cultivated.

Habit 1: Be Proactive

Being proactive means that your life is a product of your values, not your feelings, and that your life or your organization’s life is a product of your decisions, not your conditions. The opposite of being proactive is being reactive, which means your life is a function of your feelings, moods, impulses, and the treatment from others. The basic principle of habit one is taking responsibility.

Victor Frankl’s Insights

Victor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist, imprisoned in Nazi concentration camps for being Jewish, discovered the power of choosing his response in any situation, which he called the last human freedom. This power to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance became the highest human value according to Frankl.

Internal Freedom and Personal Growth

Between stimulus and response, there is a space where our power and freedom lie. Our growth and happiness rely on our choices and responses to external stimuli. By making the right choices, our response begins to influence the stimulus itself.

Overcoming Challenges and Developing Survival Skills

People are tested daily in various ways, and being proactive in small problems gradually develops an extraordinary ability to handle significant disappointments. The ability to survive in adverse conditions lies in having a vision of the future and a sense of purpose.

Forgiveness and Letting Go

Reacting to situations with vengeance only poisons oneself. True liberation comes from forgiving and forgetting, not from seeking revenge. Living with resentment means reliving the same negative emotions repeatedly, which ultimately weakens oneself.

Building Emotional Strength and Independence

Building emotional strength involves not relying on the weaknesses of others and not blaming others for one’s failures. It requires taking responsibility for one’s own happiness and choices.

Conclusion

Choosing to be proactive means taking responsibility for one’s own happiness and not allowing external circumstances to dictate one’s emotional state. It’s about recognizing the power of choice and using it wisely to shape one’s life positively.

Choosing Freedom

“I can choose not to be miserable. I can choose the opposite.” With this realization, I stood up. I wanted to tell everyone; I wanted to proclaim my freedom. I couldn’t contain myself. I can’t explain what it means. Between what happens, the stimulus, and our response to the stimulus lies freedom.

Four Human Endowments

Human behavior and actions stem from our paradigms. Deterministic psychology divides into three areas: genetic determinism, psychic determinism, and environmental determinism.

Genetic Determinism

Genetic determinism implies that our grandparents are responsible for our character traits. It’s the predisposition due to our genetic structure. But between that predisposition and our response lies our freedom to choose.

Psychic Determinism

Psychic determinism, on the other hand, attributes our upbringing by our parents to shaping our personalities. The wounds and conditioning from childhood influence us deeply. However, as self-awareness develops, we gain the power to choose our responses, despite these influences.

Environmental Determinism

Environmental determinism suggests that our surroundings, including our partners, bosses, and culture, influence us. While we’re undoubtedly influenced by these factors, they shouldn’t dictate our responses. Habit one is about personal vision and the power to choose our response, exercising our highest power.

Four Human Endowments

Within this space of freedom lie four human endowments: self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will. By utilizing these endowments, we can shape our future and create a culture around our vision, fostering collective commitment and imagination.

Living in Imagination and Independent Will

Living in imagination frees us from the constraints of the past and allows for infinite potential. It’s where we tap into the collective consciousness of humanity and act upon it. Independent will empowers us to act on our imagination and conscience, allowing us to navigate through life’s currents.

Circle of Influence

One can discern the proactive or reactive nature of a person by listening to their language; it’s like a fingerprint. You can see where the control lies, whether it’s internal or external. “I can’t do this,” “I have to do this.” A student once told me, “Sorry for missing class; I have to go play tennis.” I told him, “We just discussed that the language of a proactive person is ‘I choose,’ ‘I prefer,’ ‘I will.’ And the language of a reactive person is ‘I have to,’ ‘I must,’ ‘If only,’ ‘I don’t have time,’ ‘I feel like I don’t have the ability,’ ‘Look at the problems I have on my plate,’ ‘The people who need this aren’t here, and they probably won’t come.'”

I was telling him this when he said, “Sorry for missing class; I have to go play tennis.” I told him, “I have to go play tennis? You have to go play tennis? What if you don’t go?” “I’ll get kicked off the team.” “That seems like a natural consequence. If you don’t attend the games, you can’t be on the team. What if you don’t come to my class?” “I don’t know.” “What’s the natural consequence if you don’t come to my class?” “I don’t know.” “Think. What would happen if you don’t attend my class?” “Well, I wouldn’t learn.” “Exactly. So, you’re choosing to go to the tennis game and miss my class.”

We always work with an analysis of alternative consequences and then choose actions. Remember, you can choose your actions, but you can’t choose the consequences. Those are governed by laws or natural principles. Some may be in environments governed by values and social rules and may have to make difficult decisions—either becoming a catalyst for change or seeking elsewhere, especially if they’ve sharpened their personal and professional saw and have all kinds of options because they’re not economically dependent but economically independent. This doesn’t mean wealth; it means they have the power to produce enough wealth for their needs and those of their family because their skills aren’t obsolete. Think of it this way: Two circles, the larger outer circle is the circle of concern, the things you worry about, the ones that trouble you. But then there’s the smaller inner circle, which is the circle of influence, where you focus your energies.

Which circle do proactive people focus their energies on? The inner circle. And what about reactive people? They focus their energies on the outer circle. Why? Because they’re victims. Look at this person I have to live with. Look at how my boss has hindered my career. He says he has broad discretion, but it’s not true. Look at those kids; they’re driving me crazy. Why choose to go crazy? What else can I do? What else can you do? Think. What other alternatives do you have besides going crazy? I don’t know. Think more. I think I could rebuild my relationship with them to a point where we could come to agreements on discipline. What alternatives do you have? You always have the power to choose.

Always treat people as if they were proactive. The more irresponsible they are, the more they’ll learn about their ability to respond. Always work in the inner circle. It’s a wonderful thing. It’s inevitable. Inevitably, if you work in the inner circle, it grows larger. Always because the energy there is positive. You’re doing something on the outer edge of the inner circle and gaining more trust with other people because of how you treat them. How you make and keep promises, how you apologize when you make mistakes, how you gather feedback, how you give it.

Before trying to play everyone in someone’s life. How you seek to understand what’s important to the other person so that your presentations are made in terms of their frame of reference, their language, their value system. Constantly make deposits into the emotional bank account. But if you focus on the outer circle, you’re making withdrawals. You’re judging, criticizing, not seeking to understand, you’re inconsistent. All in the name of the inconsistency of others. You overreact in the name of the overreaction of others. You speak ill of them behind their backs, unaware that the one listening knows you’ll do the same to them when, for some reason, they no longer want to listen to you. Never make confidences with one child about another child or comparisons, subtle jokes, or value judgments because it creates a culture of mistrust where they know you would do the same to them again.

Always convey stability based on principles that never change, not based on moods that are volatile and mercurial emotions that rise and fall. Working in the inner circle makes it larger and larger until eventually, you start to deal with some of those concerns that today you wouldn’t even dare touch. It could lead you not to dozens but possibly hundreds, even thousands of organizations that are undergoing profound transformation and started with a simple regular employee who worked in their circle of influence, who took responsibility, was patient, lived the law of the harvest until his circle of influence gradually grew. In most cases, they made contact with someone who had a huge circle of influence.

Then came leverage and multiplication. Exponential leverage began to influence divisions, entire companies, and even multinational corporations. Let me share with you one of the most powerful, instructive, and enlightening experiences I’ve had regarding this habit one being proactive. I worked with an organization for four years and was the president’s assistant. He was a very dynamic and visionary person with talent, intelligence, with so much vision that he could compensate for a multitude of sins that worried the outside world.

But his style was authoritarian and dictatorial. As a result, everyone felt that he treated them like messengers, as if they had no judgment of their own. He did this, he did that, for this, for that. In ’83, the executives would gather in the hallways to gossip about the president’s sins. I’ll tell you the latest. Things were going well. He came into my department, set a different standard, and created terrible chaos. It’s very typical of him

Together and Continuing

The topic is amusing because gossiping becomes a kind of collective relief. In the construction industry, there’s an expression: “mal cocido,” which means that if a brick is poorly baked, it fractures and breaks when pressed. The same happens with gossiping; if we exert pressure on a poorly baked relationship, it will fracture and break. Gossiping is a double-edged sword; we can cut ourselves with it.

There was a man named Ben who was proactive. His life wasn’t defined by the president’s weaknesses; he was aware of them. They were in his circle of concern but not in his circle of influence. Therefore, he laughed a lot and didn’t get discouraged. He used his strengths to compensate for the president’s weaknesses in his own circle of influence with his people. He was strong, considerate, brave, and tolerant. He accepted the president’s strengths, which were prodigious and enormous. In his area, the president’s strengths and his own compensated for the president’s weaknesses. His circle began to grow in his area, and he also took more initiative.

They treated him like a messenger, saying “do this, do that,” but he was the best messenger in the world. He didn’t just fetch data; he tried to anticipate needs. “I think the president wants a board meeting. I’ll bring him the data, the data analysis, and recommendations based on that analysis, and I’ll put them in presentation form.” The president said to me, “Come, it’s amazing, it’s astonishing, look at what he did. I asked him to get this, and he anticipated my needs. He analyzed it, developed alternative recommendations, came to a conclusion, and drafted it in a way that I can present it to the board. I’ll ask him to do it.” Next board meeting, “do this, do that, what do you think?” What do you think reactive minds did in the executive corridors? Reactive people always look for evidence. “I bet there’s favoritism here.” The problem is that they treated them the same way as the president.

After four years, I saw Ben become the organization’s number two. His circle of influence became enormous. Even the president didn’t make a move without Ben’s blessing, and Ben understood the culture. So, the president’s weakness in style was compensated for by Ben’s strength in cultural matters. The president’s judgments on how to implement his vision, update his vision, were strengthened. Amazing, isn’t it?

Part of this becoming a transitional figure, someone once came to me and said, “Maybe you can help me. I like this seminar, but I don’t know. In my marriage, there are no feelings anymore, and we’re worried about the kids.” I told him, “Love your wife.” “But as I told you, there are no feelings.” “No love.” “Any suggestions?” “How can you love when you don’t love? Love is a verb. Love, the feeling, is the fruit of loving, which is the verb.

Study the greats of literature that have endured in all civilizations and societies, and show me where love is a feeling. It’s not just in Hollywood culture; love, the feeling, is a fruit. Look at the love a mother feels for the newborn she just brought into the world. She produced the love she feels; she sacrificed. Loving is a verb first and then a feeling. Forgiving is a verb. Forgetting is a verb. I’ve seen many relationships rebuilt with just one party cultivating these proactive muscles. And those muscles need to be exercised just like doing push-ups. You can’t develop muscles overnight; there’s a price to pay, and it requires patience. Try it for 30 days.

Try this concept of proactivity for 30 days. Work only in the inner circle for 30 days and smile about the rest. In any relationship, be light, not judges. Be models, not critics, for 30 days. Many couldn’t do it beyond one night because they’re addicted to being victims and absolving themselves of responsibility. If I’m not responsible, what am I? Irresponsible. It’s psychologically easier to say I’m not responsible than to say I’m irresponsible. But then we deny ourselves the self-vision that we have the power to choose responses. For 30 days, always tell yourself that when you think the problem is outside, that’s the problem. This 30-day trial will demonstrate the pragmatic power of being proactive.

You’ll always have to take initiatives. You go to work, the place is a mess, don’t say anything. Don’t speak ill of anyone. Fix everything with smiles and good humor, and then have a talk with the person whose job you just did. If you don’t submit, but you don’t rebel either,

Reflection on Kindness and Personal Development

They’re kind, respectful, they can choose their response. Do it for 30 days. What’s the risk? One of the initial risks is questioning their sincerity. So much kindness surprises me. Is this what you learned? You went to a parenting seminar. I thought it was a management seminar. Think about the reward. You can become a transitional figure in your family. Do you know what that means? How many see tendencies in yourselves that you’re not satisfied with? How many see those same tendencies in your children? How many have grandchildren and see them follow those same tendencies? How many see some of those tendencies in your parents, in your grandparents? I went back five generations.

Do you know what a transitional figure is? It’s a figure that stops the transmission of those tendencies. It stops them from passing to your children. If they’re deeply rooted, you’ll have to practice proactive muscles: imagination, awareness, independent will, more integrity, more personal sacrifice, until you get out of there so they don’t pass to your children, so they don’t affect their spirits or their attitudes. Coming from a neurotic family but filled with kindness, sweetness, and kindness because somehow you discarded the old and radiated the new. It was part of your mission.

Coming from a family where they fight to solve problems, you learned to solve problems, and energetically, you know what I would do? I would step back, I would start to influence siblings, parents, and even if they were alive, that’s a transitional figure, taking the old and creating a new tradition, the same in business as you know very well. Old bureaucracies, old authoritarian approaches are dying. They survive only on a local or regional basis. To be in the global market requires a profound change. The little gods no longer work because they don’t create high-trust cultures. Now you have to learn to reach the latent intelligence of people. You must be a transitional figure.

Personal Narrative: Journey in Uganda

I came to Uganda for the first time five years ago. My original plan was to spend a year abroad before going to law school. I saw a lot of suffering and poverty here, and almost without realizing it, I got involved in different activities one after another, so I decided to stay. About three years ago, John Rendón and I worked together in camping, and one thing that really struck us was seeing the number of young boys who were unemployed, around 16 years old, and lacked resources to continue studying.

They had no guidance. We met a couple of them and asked them what they would like to do. They answered, “Join a soccer team.” Ah, so we made a team with those boys. We asked them to bring their friends and told them we would train at a certain time in a certain place. That worked for a while. One day the boys came and told us they had a coach and wanted us to meet him. In Uganda, you have to be careful with these kinds of things, but the man basically told us he would like to coach the team and that we didn’t have to worry about his salary; he would do it for fun. Since then, we became friends with him and started working together.

Overcoming Adversity: Stone’s Story

And so it starts. Take care of the defense, Alex. He started playing soccer in high school and was considered a talented player. At 18, he joined a professional team for the first time. He stayed at that level for the next 10 years until he was chosen to join the national team, which is the goal of all Ugandan players because they have the opportunity to go play in Europe and be known by European club coaches.

Shortly before starting his international career, he had to abandon his dream. Someone attacked him from behind and tore the ligaments in his knee. It wasn’t an accident; it was done intentionally. This was the end of his professional career. In a country where revenge is extremely common, where 16 years of war and corruption have been centered on revenge, Stones only told this man, “Don’t worry, you did what you had to do.” Stones’ ability to forgive this man after ruining the career he had worked for so many years was truly remarkable. We knew Stones’ integrity was just what these boys needed to make sense of their lives. Some of these boys were drug addicts, others were thieves, they were boys who wandered the streets without any guidance.

We sought out these boys to give meaning to their lives, and to do that, we tried to teach them a trade, give them some resources, and create a framework that would really help them in the future. We don’t see them as future soccer players; that’s not our goal. What we want is for them to be good citizens who have confidence in themselves and, above all, for those tools to help them in the future. The boys Stones started with were rejected by their families and community for creating conflicts and being troublemakers. Stones really loved them and showed them that he had a lot of confidence in them. We sustain these boys only with the love we give them. We don’t give them money or things. They come because they feel welcome in the team. It’s love that makes everything work. You can’t be happy unless you have love. So we work with love. The foundations of the team are love and forgiveness.

Conclusion

When Stones teaches them what love and forgiveness are, they in turn teach their own families. They learn to love the people around them and learn to forgive them. Much of the teaching of these principles they see in Stones’ life. He lives in the same area as the boys, knows his wife and children, and the way he interacts with his family shows that he carries out everything he teaches. That’s really the most powerful part of what he does. More important than what he says, I think his example really encourages them to be like that. Leadership isn’t about being famous, although Stones can only influence about 200 people in his community. These 200 people are included in other communities, and those communities will influence other towns. We’re trying to teach them how to guide themselves, how to be responsible. We won’t be there all the time.

Reflection on Parenting and Personal Development

Most of them are young boys and will become fathers. What kind of family will function if they are left as they are?

Empowering Message: Work and Personal Responsibility

We try to tell them that there’s nothing they can’t do. It’s through work that all things become possible. Your life depends only on you. What you have in your mind is what will shape your future and what you will become.

Introduction to Kobe Leadership Center Presentation

[Kobe Leadership Center presents “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” with Dr. Stephen Herek.]

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind – Part A: Mental Creation

This is where we find out who we are, where we find out the purpose of our life. It’s not from social mirrors: parents, relatives, teachers, leaders, media, heroes, models. It cannot be the case of a mistaken identity. Think about it, ask yourself: Where do I get knowledge of myself? What is my vision of life? What am I really doing here that’s truly important?

In Habit 2, beginning with the end in mind, it’s clearly established that you are the guardian, the protector of your identity, of your future. Essentially, Habit 1 is the awareness that you are the programmer. It’s the awareness that the best way to predict your future is to create it. Habit 2 decides the meaning of your life, and everything that flows from there, every decision big or small, would be a function of that. Not only what your identity is but what your purpose is, what your vision of your life is. You are the programmer, so write the program.

Another interesting thing about life is that it’s always created twice. Always have conscious control of the creation, or you won’t get the definition of yourself, of your purpose, and your meaning from the social mirror. It was already made; this definition preceded you, or it was made by the people around you, or maybe you got it from your childhood or from the teachings of your early business leaders, your first managers, or from your college professors. The first creation is an intellectual creation; the first creation is of the mind and of the spirit. The second creation is the physical creation. This building we’re in was created down to every minute detail on a plan. If it weren’t, the cost of the building would double due to expensive plan changes.

Anecdote and Lesson on Planning

Is there someone who wants to share an experience of plan changes? Why does it happen? Go ahead.

“I’m in the restaurant business, and we build many restaurants. We built a restaurant a year ago that had serious access issues. We didn’t plan ahead and let external forces handle our decisions—the municipality, the delegation, etc. And we’re in the situation of a restaurant that cost $600,000 and no one comes in or out. But the food is good—really good food—but people don’t have access. Your mind can get so overwhelmed by external pressures—political, civic, community—that you get involved in a battle that clouds your judgment, and you lose sight of reality. Now we’ve worked with the community and devoted time to the necessary planning to make a change. Aha, and it’s going to cost about $40 or $50 thousand to make that change, but it’s essential for it to work. We had to do it, you see.”

“I think this choice is applicable to any professional field. I have a friend who’s an orthodontist; I have no doubt he financed 25 years of his mortgage because all my children inherited my wife’s teeth and mouth. I said, ‘Dick, how do you do it?’ He replied, ‘First, I have a clear picture of what the mouth should look like when I’m done.’ Every decision is governed by that image, just like for an architect who comes to a site. The first thing is to make geographical maps—topographical maps—are based on an artistic concept of how a place should look. How many of you have put together puzzles? How useful is it to have the end in mind?”

“I think the key is to begin with the end in mind. This is basic in organizations. The fundamental reason, the root cause of why organizations are so separate from each other is that they don’t share a common vision. If you want to have an interesting experience, go with your family today and tell them, be sincere for a moment, they’ll think you’ve gone crazy, they’ll doubt where it’s coming from. But insist, tell me in one sentence what is the purpose of our family? And then write down what you hear. Read the different purposes. What is the purpose of our marriage? What is our essential reason for being? And then when you go to your organization, to your work, ask 10 people you meet, since it’s a survey, and say, ‘I’m doing a survey, could you help me? One question, what is the purpose of our organization?’

And then work with a small group, what is the purpose of this work group? What is the purpose of the board of directors? What is the purpose of this executive committee? What is its essential role? What are its priority goals? I’ve done this hundreds of times, even in executive cabinets of companies included in the Fortune 100 ranking, large companies, sophisticated organizations, and in almost every case, top executives feel absolutely frustrated and embarrassed. They can’t believe the descriptions people give as a purpose, as a vision. What happens? Why does this happen? Could posters be put up on the walls or small plaques on desks or reminders in portfolios, etc.? But it’s not the solution.

The whole organization can’t begin with the end in mind. But what if everyone contributed their proactive capacity to create that vision and participate in it and create it for the time necessary to really feel it? That’s our vision, we all share it. Beginning with the end in mind is the most important decision, and we know it applies to any area of human endeavor. If you don’t take charge of this creation, others will do it for you. Be sure of that, and then you’ll live your whole life in a limited scheme of who you are, a scheme imposed by the social mirror without.

Reflection on Personal Values and Life Principles

Release all the talent and unique qualities they possess. [Music]

Besides choosing a center of life, very well, I believe now we can recognize the power of that space, and its most important use will always be “Why am I here?” and “What are the principles I want to govern my life?” Not agreed? Because any other decision will be influenced by those decisions.

I want to use a metaphor, can you lend me some glasses, please? I can see without them, but poorly. I suggest that anything you decide must be placed at the center of your life. The reason it’s the most important decision is that it affects all your decisions. It would be analogous to glasses through which a person sees life. Everything they see through these glasses is affected by them. Over time, one forgets they’re wearing them. Fish discover water last. Most paradigms are like this; they’re assumptions that are never questioned.

Things are just the way they are. The glasses I wear govern how I see everything. Very well. Now let’s say I put my work at the center of my life. Everything revolves around my work—my relationships, my pleasures, everything is related to my work. Let’s say I’m in sales, and my work is at the center. How do I see my relatives, contacts, clients, referrals? How would they perceive their children? Let’s say, with these glasses, your work at the center, how would you perceive obstacles that make you lose time? What interference do I have to explain, convince the family that I have to go back to work? If I were focused on the family, how would I see my work? As interference, an obstacle? If positively, as a means to support my family? If I’m centered on the family, they are different lenses, but I would never question the center; it’s my life paradigm, it’s a pair of glasses. If they’re centered on their partner or their family or work or their enemies or their possessions, what happens? We can follow this analysis and list all possible centers; we can even combine them. And still, I guarantee you, what we’ll find is a great imbalance, a life that isn’t fulfilling. We must find a center that allows us to access the good of all other centers. Is this possible?

What center would allow all of you to take advantage of the good of all the others? Think for a moment, a center that assimilates any change that occurs because it’s immutable. It has to be something that gives you a constant frame of reference for making each decision that allows you to release all your power to high levels of mental, emotional, and social capacity, where you become a force, the creative force of your own life, where you become someone with positive influence in the lives of others, someone who leads others to the center they choose. What would that center be? The principles. Why do I say principles? Because they don’t change. Very well, they don’t change; they’re immutable. In fact, even now, as we discuss it, friends, you’re listening through a center. Saying centered on principles is saying everything. You’re assuming principles through your center. The key is not just one principle but a balanced series of principles that govern the totality of our nature. [Music]

Reflection on Personal Mission and Life Philosophy

I consider that the essence, the highest essence of Habit 2, beginning with the end in mind, is the development of a personal mission, a personal philosophy, a personal constitution, a personal purpose, whatever you want to call it. Seriously, I believe it’s the most important activity of life. It must contain two basic parts: first, “Why am I here?” and second, “What am I doing about it?” What are the principles on which I operate?

Both parts must affirm the essence of who I am, and we have the ability, through the mind, to separate that question from the social mirror, from what others say about me, from what they say I should be, but I have to decide. We live three lives: the public life—here we are, this is our public life; the private life—when we go home, watch TV, read, that’s the private life; but when we seek the development of a personal constitution, we must go to a deeper inner life, the life that influences the other two, the life where we decide the most important matters of our lives. Search your heart because from there flow the matters of your life. It’s a more secret life; no one knows the thoughts and intentions of your heart; only you have that knowledge, and only you can access your deep inner life. If you have access, you can take charge of it.

Think about it. Study the lives of people who grew up amidst difficulties, abuse, privation, troubled homes. Study the lives of the great figures in history who really marked their era, and almost always, you’ll find that they worked deeply in their inner lives. The private life isn’t the deep inner life. You could live a very private and independent life and enjoy it; it would be relaxing, pleasurable, it would be my own life, my choice.

That’s not the deep inner life. The deep inner life requires delving into and analyzing from there, seeing both the private and the public life, analyzing the structure of motives. Many people, unless they suffer because something they care deeply about isn’t working, never inquire into their inner life. In a way, they’re not living; they’re being lived. Gandhi once said, “You cannot do the right thing in one aspect of life if you’re doing the wrong thing in another.

Life is an indivisible whole.” Listen to this statement: “You cannot do the right thing in one aspect of life, for example, in the public life, have the right appearance, while everything is a mess in the private life or in the deep inner life. Why?

Because life is an indivisible whole, and people feel it; they send out vibrations.” So, I suggest working on two things: vision and principles. It will be deep work; gain perspectives, take your time, be patient. See if you, several months at least, weeks have to pay a price because there are many scars; there’s much psychic and social history within you. You may discover black holes in your life that

you haven’t wanted to see, corners, gaps, hiding places that our pride hasn’t wanted to acknowledge. There are defense mechanisms to overcome. In other words, be prepared to pay the price. [Music]

The autumn of 1843 was a very difficult stage for me. I was a young and successful writer up to that point, but in my latest work, things weren’t going well. The royal money was drastically cut off, and suddenly I found myself wondering how I would meet my financial obligations. My head was so absorbed in these problems that instead of sleeping, I would walk the dark streets of London hours after decent people had gone to bed. Sometimes, these walks led me face to face with a stage from my childhood when I worked day after day in a factory while my father was imprisoned for not paying his dues. Now, there was a real possibility that those days from my past would suddenly become my family’s future. This horrified me. “Leave here, what are you doing?”

Neighborhood Dispute

“I don’t know, we’re not hurting anyone, they live on this street. Leave us alone, of course. I was sure I saw the kids running towards the alley, you must have seen them.”

“No, and are these your kids?”

“They’re dirty because they work in a bakery so we can eat, you wouldn’t understand.”

The Author’s Dilemma

“Now we’re taking a bath. For anyone who would have seen my problem from their point of view, they would have found a very simple solution.”

“I was an author, all I had to do was write quickly, publish, and sell. To some extent, they would be right, there was no other solution, not for me, at least.”

“However, there were difficult parts in this simple solution. Obviously, one was the writing, and the other was the speed at which I had to write; one couldn’t exist without the other. However, my mind was paralyzed.”

“I was so engrossed in the depth and dimension of my problems and how I would solve them quickly that I couldn’t think about what to write.”

Mysterious Behavior

“She’s still not moving, ma’am. When I came in this morning with her breakfast, she was sitting in the same place, only she was sleeping. Now she’s awake, but she hasn’t moved an inch.”

Reflections on Writing

“When I finally started writing, I felt completely consumed. I hated leaving my desk even for a few hours for sleep. Day by day, the manuscript grew, not only becoming more complex but I felt like I was renewing my life.”

“The story became a reflection of what I hoped and envisioned my life to be, in simple terms of change.”

Financial Liberation

“Gradually, thoughts about money, debt, and financial obligations started to diminish in importance. I thought much more about how the book could be published and sold so that those with very few resources could buy it. I was determined to share this little story along with the change it brought to my life.”

Balancing Priorities

“Of people in the firm and outside of it, and you’re also in charge of working with clients, inaccurate, and this is associated with other firms across the country and abroad, starting.”

“Sounds good. If you want a rich personal life, a rich family life, and community life, etcetera.”

“Have you ever felt overwhelmed by insignificant things? Yes. Have you ever felt off-balance, teetering, like surfing in a storm when huge waves come at you one after another and hit you and shake you, and here comes another one that also hits you? Has it happened to you?”

“Now what I’m going to do is analogous to all the little things that tend to fill our lives, things that slowly accumulate, and now your job is there. You can’t pass this level. It’s to put all these stones in the container. Good luck.”

“Of writing in Galan stone when she puts it, what’s it called? 6-2 planning, preparation, exact strengthening planning, preparation, prevention, strengthening, quadrant 2 what’s important but not urgent. I must put them in some order in which you want but you must put them all because they are important. Can I move the small ones? If you can move them but you can’t go beyond this level. Can I pass this on? Of course.”

“Alright, the stone you’re putting now is called relationships and family. Oh, she’s trying to put them all based on the peculiar idea that by changing them around, more space is created. [Applause]”

“If we see the third stone she put is the one about employment, some key employment issue, and here’s the one about megaprojects but you can’t go beyond here. She tried to, like that, if it’s true.”

“It can be said, it can’t be said. That’s called service or community, church. She had never felt like this before. How many have felt like this? Can I continue if I try to put them? Oh, if you’re a determined person.”

“I think whatever you do, the one I leave is to sharpen the saw. How many of you are feeling the same way? Today, I don’t have time to sharpen the saw. I’m so busy driving that I can’t even stop to refuel. This is very important to leave vacations. Vacations are important for them.”

“Moving the small things, maybe we make room for the big ones. It’s almost about right. This is how it’s done if something doesn’t fit, forcefully. Do I really have to put all that in there? Well, you can’t turn down a big opportunity if you want, it’s not there. It stays here. Here’s a sign that says urgent and important, something from quadrant 1 that you’re forgetting. Maybe your best client says that if you don’t attend to it right now, they’ll resign. It’s your vacations, and you’ve run out of special time for yourself. Ah, you don’t have children.”

“I’ll tell you what you could do, use a totally different method. Here you have an empty container. You have to start from a completely different paradigm. You can use this container. That’s what I was told. So I’m going to put these at the bottom and then I’ll add the small ones.”

“Ah, almost vacation now in line with the saw planning, preparation, partner action, and employment. The big opportunity, the important and urgent time, personal community, church. These kids keep watching me. Good thing my husband isn’t here.”

“Now I’ll empty state talk. It works, you put the important things first, don’t you? Right. [Applause] What did you learn? I learned that if I have the opportunity to do all the important things first and decide when I have all the amount available, the small things will fit into the big ones, even if the group of green pebbles is excessive, I could discard some. But why? Because they’re just stones, just fillers, and they don’t matter. These are the ones you’ve chosen as important. Have you noticed anything else about these stones, any common characteristic to all, something related to them or someone with me, with you, some have to do with others, with others, they all have to do with your relationships and the roles they play, so why not opt for a paradigm where you decide first what the purpose of your life is and thus have philosophical foundations to determine which are the big stones, the medium ones, the small ones, etcetera, put the big stones first, what’s really important, and the rest will fall into place on its own, and get out of the daily planning scheme because living always in that scheme implies that my day is filled with small stones, exactly, and all you do is provoke crises, and when you have a big stone like megaprojects, there’s simply nowhere to put it, as it happened to you, so you have to use the philosophy of relationships more than that of schedules, and organize your whole life on relationships, on links with others, and with yourself first of all. Well, that was the idea, thank you very much, an applause for him and cement.”

Time Management and Leadership

“Planning, relationship building, strengthening, sharpening the saw, self-development, creating a sense of mission. Quadrant 2 is the leadership quadrant.”

“Quadrant 3 is not important but urgent. Everything that pressures us sometimes is very popular, approaching, in front of us, but not important. And the 4 is neither urgent nor important. It could be symbolized with those little green pebbles, very good.”

“Now you will see your sheets, see your answers to the two questions. In which quadrant would you include them? What do you think of an activity that always produces remarkable results? Yes, sir. Where would you put it? In quadrant 2. Why not in 1? Because you’re not doing it now. It’s not urgent. Urgency doesn’t govern when urgency governs when we are addicted to urgency, we live in quadrants 1 and 3. If we confront the agendas of many executives against quadrant 4, we would see that almost all of them fall into 1 and 3. To 2, it’s called other matters. What happens then with 2? It’s sidelined. The two are the big stones. By putting them aside, what happens to 1? It grows but can be sustained in a quadrant one lifestyle. It’s not too difficult. It doesn’t end up consuming us. Who has felt consumed by quadrant 1 conflicts, crises, alone in the middle of the storm? Sometimes the body and mind pay the price. But in cart, in the dilemma, face it as finding time for quadrant 2 when we’re inundated by 1 by important and especially urgent things. Discard quadrants 3 and 4. Just say no. The 4 is not difficult. The only reason people go to 4 is that they’re tired of 1. So 4 is a waste. The problem to face is in 3, the things that press us, that are popular, imminent, but not important. Let’s say no to all that affirms what matters most should not be at the mercy of what matters less. You must face this quadrant 2 task when a yes burns you inside regarding your mission, your goal, and your value system. You must say no to everything that is not important no matter how urgent it is. People start to see things differently, they don’t arrive and throw things, quadrant 3 all the time, like it happened to me once with a manager who reported to me if it really is urgent because from his point of view it was an obvious quadrant 3. I said of course, I’ll take care of that if you want, take your project folder, project dates, progress level, and I thought I’m dealing with someone who has goals and organization. I’m not going to complicate his life by making him reorder his system. So I said I’ll consult it and handed the package to another manager. [Applause] But what if it’s your boss who gives you a quadrant 3 project? What quadrant does it automatically go to? To 1. What’s important to another must be as important to you as it is to that other. That’s why you included in your list of priorities the relationships with your loved ones, with your family, surely you did. And I bet there’s not a single exception since all of you without exception answered the two questions with quadrant 2 responses: preparation, prevention, clarification of values, planning, relationship building, real recreation, strengthening. See that they all have to do with relationships with oneself, preparing future relationships, or rebuilding relationships. The seven habits are in quadrant 2, all of them. Habit 1, be proactive. You have to be proactive to act in quadrant 2 because quadrants 1 and 3 act on you. You just react. You must be proactive to act in 2. Habit 2, begin with the end in mind. Because it must be quadrant 2, it’s not urgent to develop a sense of mission or a clear purpose for this day, this week, this month, or the purpose of my goals. Nothing presses me to do it. I’m acting by defining those programs. Habit 3 is where quadrant 2 is taught. Habits 4, 5, and 6 propose involving other people in a communication process to solve problems synergistically, that is, the search for common and better solutions. And habit 7, sharpen the saw, the renewal one, is an obvious quadrant 2 activity. People who start to think in quadrant 2 gradually change in their work, in their environment because they are proactive and they act to make things happen. They become a force of nature. That’s quadrant 2 thinking.”

Fire Prevention

“I think a firefighter spends all day looking for ingenuity.”

“I think a firefighter spends all day looking for fires.”

“I think before the feeling inside firefighters was that buildings were going to catch fire and our main job was to put them out, and I think years ago, maybe for lack of money or because it wasn’t very exciting, fire prevention wasn’t paid attention to.”

“Throughout history, firefighters were always waiting for the big fire to go put it out. Now most people think that all we do is respond to calls. It’s our main activity, it’s the number one thing. If a call comes in, we drop everything we’re doing. Those are the fires we have to put out. When the general public thinks of the fire department and imagines the red trucks with the sirens on their way to a fire with a firefighter hanging off the back, however, I have a job that’s not so glamorous. I’m the one out there trying to prevent fires, making sure buildings are built correctly, and that fire safety systems are installed correctly. Now we’ve realized, and

Fire Prevention (Continued)

“Firefighters also do visits to prevent fires, such as inspections, education, training programs, teaching what the fire station is like, and working with children who will be the guides of the future and can prevent fires. It’s not shameful, it’s part of the job. We spend a lot of time in schools educating children well in advance. Learn not to burn, stop, drop, and roll. Everyone knows what this is, right? Come here, who wants to hold it? Come, do you want to touch it? [Music] Now he’s putting on his firefighter boots and pants.

They’re big and heavy, made of rubber and with metal on the bottom so no nail can go through. They’re really heavy and hot. All we do is prepare for the 2% of the time we spend fighting fires or handling an emergency. It’s 2% of our time. I didn’t realize when I entered this profession all the time you spend training, exercising, and learning new things, and preparing for the next incident or issue that maybe you don’t know or haven’t learned yet. You invest many hours in preparing to retain all those skills.

The fire department is not proud of the big fires it’s been in. The first thing we have to do is criticize them and see what caused them. I think those are our obligations by law. After studying what we should have done to avoid it and what we did wrong when putting it out, we have to improve the conditions. We knew the space program and invited their aluminum air tanks that will alleviate the weight on our backs when we have to carry breathing apparatus. We went to 1500 and took the life jaws to remove broken-down cars from the roads, so we’re improving our conditions. It’s getting more complicated every time. It’s not just simple forest fires.

We’re dealing with any kind of fire and handling hazardous materials. We have to be prepared for that, and we must know in advance what we’re getting into. We shouldn’t see things as we’ve always seen them because if we do them the same way they’ve always been done, we’ll always get the same result. And 4 and 5 and 6 and 7 and 8 and 9 and 10 and 11 and 12 and 13 and 14 and 15. What are we going to do now? Breathe twice. The next one is yours. Now you have to throw yourself to the floor.

What do we have to cover? The face. Why do we have to cover the face? So that the smoke doesn’t get into the face. These kids are very attentive to what’s happening. They all plan their exit. They know there must be two exits and they go and say it at home. So adults become aware. There’s an old saying within firefighters, ‘200 years of tradition don’t prevent change.’ In our department, we like to spread it. We have 50 years of progress that don’t prevent tradition. I think one of the most valuable tools I have for leading is one that requires time but is very profitable: building relationships. One of the things the chief asked me to do is to visit the stations one night a week and see how training is going and evaluate it.

On one occasion, I was at a station when I finished, I said goodbye to the people there and headed to my car. When the company officer caught up with me and said, ‘Thank you.’ He said, ‘Thank you for coming to talk to us and tell us how we’re doing.’ [Music] Our cards have it written down: preventing fires is our task. Your task is to do good business. That seems obvious, but if we don’t do it, if the boss says close the door and sit quietly, they’ll be hurt in the long run. And you know who will really be hurt? The people we protect, the community that doesn’t have an active fire department misses out on something important. It helps you because it teaches you what to do when a real fire happens in your house.

Feel the door, if it’s hot, pretend to go out and run to call 911. You have to run. You have to stop, drop, and roll. [Music] Part of the six-step process. Let’s analyze the six steps. Step number 1: Connect to your mission. In other words, connect to your philosophy, to your sense of what life is, to your vision of your life and yourself, to the type of contribution, to the type of character, to the value system always based on principles. First, connect to that. Everything is connected to that. Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind. It’s the habit of personal leadership. How should my life be managed according to my mission? This means having a clear sense of how life should be. Habit 3 is managing according to that leadership, to that sense of mission.

That’s why the first activity you’ll develop is connecting to your mission. You’ll find a burning passion and about the sense of your life, and that will give you the courage to say no to quadrants 3 and 4, especially to 3 because there are too many social values that lead to quadrant 3, and considerable courage is required. That’s why you’ll always have to review and reconnect to your mission. The next step has to do with the roles you play in your whole life, that is, with your relationships. You study the roles you play, notice what you wrote.

Surely you mentioned your role in the family, the role you play at work, maybe one of you is a department head, or another is a manager or a technician in a certain engineering department. Maybe there’s someone who’s a member of an executive committee or a supervisor. But you also have to think about your social role as members of the community. This is the second activity. Then you’ll see that you’ll have certain goals in each of your roles, quadrant 2, quadrant 2. By establishing your roles and goals, you’re entering quadrant 2. You’ll organize yourself weekly because daily, why not daily? Because the daily hustle is in which quadrant by definition? In quadrant 1 because daily organization is always a function of urgencies.

The smallest unit of planning must be the week and then adapt by days, even by hours. But on what basis? On the basis of integrity. If consciousness has been educated on principles, integrity will appear instantly. Your schedules are very flexible, you’re very strict about your principles but flexible with your schedules. People know it and respect you for it. And they’ll respect your time. Exercise integrity when choosing and then evaluating.

Stop and reflect like boiling papers, goals, mission. Go over the six steps: connect to your mission, review the roles, choose goals, organize weekly, use integrity when deciding, and evaluate. Organize every week within a long-term context in the context of the mission. That’s essentially a week, and you can be calm because you know you have a private appointment with my daughter Jenny this week when I’ll exercise. [Music] When I’ll have a chance to go with my wife to the botanical garden we go to almost every time I’m home because I’ve planned it. If something more important comes up, well, too bad, but I try to put the big stones first. I put my mission senses at the top and

then fulfill my different roles. That way, life balances itself. Most time management courses teach prioritization. That’s fine, but balance. No one should prioritize a ladder to success supported on a wall of erroneous and no one should focus on schedules but on relationships. All roles are linked to relationships, and it’s a personal matter.

The first role, the relationship with the divine, is my first and highest priority. Second, the family. Third, as a neighbor in a broad sense, I want to contribute significantly where needed, all kinds of services, and I’m sure many of you work in the church, do community service, and take care of good causes.

Then executive, executive of a company. So I prepare for a board meeting. I set the goal of preparing the board so I must ensure that all material reaches everyone on time. Then I’m a writer, and I also have to be a friend. The point is to organize around all the roles you have always according to your mission. [Music]”