How to Build Confidence | Robin Sharma

Step 1: Study the Alchemy

Description:

This step focuses on shifting your mindset and perspective towards setbacks and difficulties, seeing them as opportunities for growth and building confidence.

Implementation:

1. When faced with a setback or difficulty, refrain from labeling it as a failure.
2. Recognize that labeling a setback as a failure triggers the release of cortisol, the fear hormone, which can hinder your performance.
3. Train your brain to look for the positive aspects within challenges.
4. Practice seeing difficulties as fuel for personal and professional growth.
5. Ask yourself how you can use what you’re going through as an opportunity for personal development.
6. Cultivate a dominant belief that automatically sees setbacks as opportunities.

Specific Details:

• Avoid using negative labels like “failure” for setbacks.
• Understand that your beliefs and mindset influence your response to challenges.
• Practice the habit of seeking the hidden opportunities within problems.
• Embrace difficulties as a means to leverage your growth.
• Develop a belief system that naturally views challenges as valuable experiences.

Step 2: Flow with the Seasons

Description:

This step emphasizes the importance of adapting to different seasons in life and understanding that success isn’t always about constant happiness or continuous achievements.

Implementation:

1. Acknowledge that life consists of various seasons, including both highs and lows.
2. Reject the societal notion that constant happiness and success are the only indicators of a fulfilling life.
3. Understand that it’s natural to face challenges and setbacks at times.
4. Embrace the idea that personal and professional growth often involves navigating through different seasons.
5. Avoid being overly attached to a single state of happiness or success.

Specific Details:

• Recognize that everyone experiences ups and downs in life.
• Resist the pressure to always be in a state of joy or success.
• Accept that facing difficulties and setbacks is a normal part of the journey.
• Embrace the growth that comes from learning and adapting in different life seasons.
• Cultivate flexibility and resilience to navigate through the highs and lows of life effectively.

Step 3: Understand the Role of Ego

Description:

This step delves into the concept of ego and its impact on our perception of success and confidence.

Implementation:

1. Recognize that our ego often desires constant happiness and success.
2. Understand that society’s definition of success can create unrealistic expectations.
3. Be aware that the ego can lead to frustration when expectations are not met.
4. Practice detachment from the ego’s demands for continuous happiness and success.
5. Focus on personal growth and development rather than constant external validation.

Specific Details:

• Realize that the ego can lead to discontentment if not managed.
• Be critical of societal pressures that promote the idea of unending happiness.
• Cultivate self-awareness to identify moments when your ego is influencing your mindset.
• Embrace a mindset that values personal growth and resilience over external achievements.
• Prioritize inner contentment and self-confidence over constantly seeking external validation.

Step 4: Embrace Life’s Natural Rhythms

Description:

This step encourages you to embrace the natural ebb and flow of life, recognizing that challenges and setbacks are part of the journey.

Implementation:

1. Understand that life is characterized by cycles and fluctuations.
2. Embrace the idea that growth often comes from overcoming obstacles.
3. Reframe setbacks as opportunities for learning and self-improvement.
4. Cultivate a mindset that appreciates the valuable lessons learned during challenging times.
5. Develop the ability to adapt and thrive in different phases of life.

Specific Details:

• Acknowledge the cyclical nature of life, with its ups and downs.
• See challenges as stepping stones to personal and professional development.
• Train your mind to view setbacks as valuable experiences.
• Focus on the knowledge and wisdom gained through adversity.
• Strengthen your adaptability to navigate through life’s various phases effectively.

Step 5: Prioritize Personal Growth

Description:

This step emphasizes the significance of prioritizing your personal growth and inner confidence over external measures of success.

Implementation:

1. Shift your focus from external achievements to personal development and self-improvement.
2. Cultivate a mindset that values continuous learning and growth.
3. Set goals that align with your personal values and aspirations.
4. Measure success based on your progress and self-improvement rather than societal standards.
5. Celebrate small victories and milestones in your personal growth journey.

Specific Details:

• Redirect your attention from external accolades to your own self-evolution.
• Develop a commitment to lifelong learning and self-development.
• Establish goals that resonate with your inner values and desires.
• Gauge your success by the progress you make in areas that matter to you.
• Take pride in each step forward on your path of personal growth.

Step 6: Practice Detachment from Labels

Description:

This step focuses on detaching yourself from labels and judgments, allowing you to build confidence based on your authentic self.

Implementation:

1. Recognize that labels and judgments from others can affect your self-esteem and confidence.
2. Understand that external labels do not define your worth or potential.
3. Practice self-acceptance and self-love regardless of external opinions.
4. Cultivate a mindset that values your inner qualities and unique attributes.
5. Let go of the need for constant approval and validation from others.

Specific Details:

• Be mindful of how external labels and judgments may impact your self-image.
• Internalize the belief that your worth is not determined by others’ opinions.
• Develop self-compassion and embrace your individuality.
• Focus on your intrinsic qualities and strengths.
• Release the dependency on external validation for your self-worth.

Step 7: Build Resilience Through Challenges

Description:

This step emphasizes the importance of building resilience by facing and overcoming challenges, which in turn boosts confidence.

Implementation:

1. Approach challenges as opportunities to test and strengthen your resilience.
2. Develop problem-solving skills by actively addressing obstacles.
3. Persevere through difficult times, knowing that resilience is a key factor in building confidence.
4. Celebrate your ability to bounce back from setbacks.
5. View each challenge as a chance to grow stronger and more self-assured.

Specific Details:

• Embrace challenges as a means to build your resilience muscle.
• Engage in proactive problem-solving to tackle obstacles effectively.
• Keep a positive attitude and persevere in the face of adversity.
• Take pride in your resilience and ability to recover from setbacks.
• Understand that overcoming challenges contributes to your overall confidence.

Step 8: Cultivate a Growth Mindset

Description:

This step focuses on developing a growth mindset, where you believe in your ability to learn, adapt, and improve continuously.

Implementation:

1. Embrace the belief that intelligence and abilities can be developed through effort and learning.
2. Avoid a fixed mindset that sees limitations and setbacks as permanent.
3. Welcome challenges and setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning.
4. Persistently seek to expand your skills and knowledge.
5. Celebrate your progress and efforts, regardless of immediate outcomes.

Specific Details:

• Emphasize the idea that you can improve through dedication and learning.
• Refrain from seeing setbacks as permanent failures.
• Welcome challenges as chances to enhance your abilities.
• Maintain a proactive approach to personal and professional development.
• Acknowledge your efforts and progress as indicators of growth.

Step 9: Embrace the Natural Flow of Life

Description:

This step highlights the importance of embracing the natural flow of life, including both seasons of success and seasons of struggle, as a means to build confidence.

Implementation:

1. Stop resisting the natural ebb and flow of life’s challenges and successes.
2. Understand that struggling against the natural flow can hinder your confidence and performance.
3. Learn to relax with life and accept that it consists of various seasons.
4. Recognize that living a legendary business and personal life involves experiencing different phases.
5. Embrace both the seasons of success and the seasons of struggle as integral parts of your journey.

Specific Details:

• Avoid resisting or struggling against the natural course of life’s ups and downs.
• Relax into the understanding that life’s seasons bring valuable experiences.
• Acknowledge that success is not always continuous, and challenges are part of the process.
• Embrace the diversity of experiences in your personal and professional life.
• Cultivate a mindset that sees value in both success and struggle.

Step 10: Bulletproof Your Total Focus Bubble

Description:

This step focuses on creating a tight bubble of total focus around yourself to minimize distractions and enhance confidence.

Implementation:

1. Acknowledge the importance of a focused mindset in an age of distractions.
2. Build a metaphorical bubble of total focus around your mindset, heart set, and work routines.
3. Prioritize eliminating toxic elements and distractions from your environment.
4. Create a space where interruptions and distractions cannot easily penetrate.
5. Practice transient hypofrontality by achieving solitude and deep focus.

Specific Details:

• Understand the significance of maintaining focus in a world filled with distractions.
• Build a protective mental and physical space to shield yourself from interruptions.
• Identify and remove sources of toxicity and distraction from your surroundings.
• Create a conducive environment for deep concentration and productivity.
• Embrace transient hypofrontality by entering a state of monomaniacal focus, reducing fear hormones, and increasing inspiration and reasoning.

Step 11: Leverage Solitude for Confidence

Description:

This step emphasizes the benefits of solitude in boosting confidence and enhancing mental well-being.

Implementation:

1. Recognize the neurobiological phenomenon of transient hypofrontality that occurs in solitude.
2. Understand that solitude can reduce the flow of cortisol (the fear hormone) and increase serotonin and dopamine (inspirational neurotransmitters).
3. Create intentional moments of solitude to drop into a state of deep focus and clarity.
4. Prioritize periods of solitude for reflection, idea generation, and inner growth.
5. Use solitude as a tool to calm the chattering mind and enhance reasoning abilities.

Specific Details:

• Familiarize yourself with transient hypofrontality and its effects on brain chemistry.
• Embrace solitude as a means to reduce fear and increase feelings of inspiration.
• Schedule dedicated moments of solitude in your daily or weekly routine.
• Utilize solitude for introspection, creativity, and personal development.
• Leverage solitude to achieve mental clarity and improve decision-making.

Step 12: Achieve Transient Hypofrontality for Flow

Description:

This step explains the concept of transient hypofrontality, a state where the prefrontal cortex becomes quiet, leading to a flow state. Achieving this state can enhance confidence and productivity.

Implementation:

1. Understand transient hypofrontality as a state where your prefrontal cortex becomes quiet, leading to a flow state.
2. Recognize flow as a condition where time seems to pass quickly, and you perform at your best effortlessly.
3. Identify activities or moments in your life where you have experienced a flow state.
4. Prioritize activities that allow you to enter a flow state for enhanced confidence and productivity.
5. Create conditions conducive to achieving transient hypofrontality, such as minimizing distractions and focusing deeply.

Specific Details:

• Comprehend the neurobiological phenomenon of transient hypofrontality.
• Recall instances when you have been in a flow state, such as during sports or work.
• Understand that achieving flow can lead to heightened abilities and effortless performance.
• Incorporate flow-inducing activities into your routine for increased confidence and effectiveness.
• Structure your environment and tasks to facilitate moments of deep focus and flow.

Step 13: Guard Your Mindset and Heartset

Description:

This step underscores the importance of protecting your mindset and heartset by minimizing exposure to negative influences, such as news, and maximizing exposure to positive content like autobiographies.

Implementation:

1. Recognize the significance of maintaining a focused and positive mindset.
2. Build a protective barrier around your mindset and heartset to shield them from negativity.
3. Limit exposure to negative news sources that may induce fear or anxiety.
4. Engage in reading inspiring autobiographies to gain insights into overcoming adversity.
5. Use positive content consumption as a means to reinforce confidence and resilience.

Specific Details:

• Acknowledge the impact of external influences on your mindset and heartset.
• Establish boundaries to safeguard your mental and emotional well-being.
• Reduce the consumption of news that promotes fear and negativity.
• Immerse yourself in autobiographies that showcase resilience and triumph over challenges.
• Utilize uplifting content as a tool to fortify your confidence and inner strength.

Step 14: Confront the Brain’s Negativity Bias

Description:

This step addresses the brain’s natural negativity bias and suggests strategies to rewire your mindset to focus on positivity and achievements.

Implementation:

1. Understand the evolutionary basis of the brain’s negativity bias as a survival mechanism.
2. Recognize how the negativity bias can lead to an undue focus on flaws and setbacks.
3. Shift your mindset to acknowledge and celebrate your successes, no matter how small.
4. Journal about your achievements and positive qualities regularly.
5. Train your brain to consciously focus on where you are winning and making progress.

Specific Details:

• Grasp the historical purpose of the brain’s negativity bias in human survival.
• Be aware of how the negativity bias may lead to undue self-criticism.
• Foster a habit of recognizing and appreciating your achievements, no matter how minor.
• Keep a journal to document your successes and areas of growth.
• Develop a conscious effort to redirect your attention towards your strengths and progress.

Step 15: Rewire Your Brain to Focus on Wins

Description:

This step addresses the brain’s natural negativity bias and provides strategies to shift your mindset towards acknowledging and celebrating your successes.

Implementation:

1. Acknowledge the natural negativity bias as a survival mechanism in the brain.
2. Recognize how the negativity bias can lead to a focus on flaws and setbacks.
3. Establish a 30-day journaling challenge where you daily identify and celebrate where you are winning in your life.
4. Incorporate the “Nightly Three” ritual before sleep, asking yourself about three good things that happened that day.
5. Train your brain to consciously focus on your successes, no matter how small or significant.

Specific Details:

• Understand the evolutionary origins of the brain’s negativity bias.
• Reflect on instances when your focus on negativity has affected your perception.
• Commit to a 30-day journaling challenge to reinforce a positive mindset.
• Embrace the “Nightly Three” ritual as a daily gratitude exercise.
• Cultivate the habit of redirecting your attention towards your achievements and progress.

Step 16: Stop Comparing Your Life to Others

Description:

This step emphasizes the detrimental effects of comparing your life and success to others and encourages focusing on your unique path and values.

Implementation:

1. Acknowledge the habit of comparing your life to others, which can lead to dissatisfaction.
2. Understand that everyone has their own struggles and challenges, regardless of appearances.
3. Refrain from comparing your income, possessions, or social status to those of others.
4. Define your personal measure of success based on your values and aspirations.
5. Embrace your unique journey and avoid running someone else’s race.

Specific Details:

• Recognize the tendency to compare your life to others as a source of discontentment.
• Reflect on the fact that everyone faces their own set of challenges.
• Resist the urge to measure your success by external markers like wealth or status.
• Create a personalized definition of success that aligns with your values.
• Stay true to your path and avoid comparing your progress to that of others.

Intro

Hi, it’s Robin Sharma, author of “The Leader Who Had No Title” and founder of the Titan Academy. Welcome to this mastery session. This mastery session is all about confidence.

I don’t know if you’d agree with me on this, but in many ways, one of the key factors to legendary success isn’t your natural ability. It’s not whether you have the right product. It’s not whether you’re in the right field. It’s not whether you’ve had a blessed background. It’s not whether you have the right IQ.

I want you to really think about and deconstruct and play with maybe later tonight in your journal. I want you to deconstruct this idea of confidence, and it seems like a very simple word. But just think about it in your own life. When you have confidence, or we could even call it fire, when you have that fire within you, that confidence, that interior bravery, you almost have this power to do whatever it takes to get your brave vision done.

You see, in this world, it’s not about, you know, in many ways, your strategy in your business or your ability in your life. It’s about this thing called confidence. And we have all had these times in our lives when we are full of confidence, and what other people see as a problem, we simply see as an opportunity. Other people see it as a stumbling block or a wall, and we see it as a stepping stone or this solution.

So confidence is something that you really want to wire in. Confidence is something you really want to develop. Confidence is a practice. Confidence is a muscle. And like any muscle, the more you focus on it and practice it and train it, the stronger your confidence is going to grow. And I just have to say it again, when you are at a place in your life when there is an ongoing steady stream of confidence moving through your mindset, moving through your heartset, you do the heroic in your business, and you achieve the remarkable in your life.

So the first thing I want to offer to you with deep respect as always is simply this: study the alchemy.

Study the Alchemy

That’s really the first lesson in generating rare error levels of confidence. Study the alchemy. Now here’s what I mean by that. What happens to most people in life, especially the victims, is they reach a part of their life, you know, a difficult time, and they call it failure. I mean, even just labeling a setback as a failure triggers something in your mindset to release cortisol, the fear hormone, which blocks your best performance.

So you want to see yourself, and you want to study the alchemy, which is where other people are seeing a failure or setback, or even a little problem, you want to look for the gold. You want to train your brain so you have a dominant belief. It just becomes automatic because you’ve practiced it so much. Where when someone says there’s a problem or there’s a wall or there’s a failure, you literally see the alchemy to turn the lead into gold.

Maybe you’re going through a divorce. Maybe you’re going through an illness. A lot of people who watch this podcast are going through difficulties or outright tragedies. But you want to practice seeing the setback or the dark time as fuel to leverage your growth. And so on this first point about study the alchemy, no matter what you’re going through in your life, whether it’s a large difficulty or a small setback, you want to ask yourself, how can I use what I’m going through as fuel for my growth? You want to ask yourself, what is the gorgeous opportunity hidden inside this so-called problem?

I mean, and if you look at the mass of humanity, they really train their brains to focus on problems, right? They hit a wall, and then just because of their belief system, they don’t know it because most people are not really that aware of their belief systems, so they blame it on the world. They blame it on the supplier. They blame it on the teammate. They blame it on their husband or wife. They blame it on their childhood versus understanding our…

Flow with the Seasons

Our egos and our weaker selves now then maybe I’m getting a little philosophical here but I think we’re all philosophers at some level and our weaker selves think that success in life is being happy happy happy always being in the sunshine always being successful and society has sold us a bill of goods that if we’re not successful and we’re not on our games and if we’re not waking up happy and if we’re not full of joy and if we’re not feeling all this confidence there is something that is wrong and we deep love and respect this could be one of the most important things I share with you in this podcast that is just your ego screaming and that’s why I say flow with the seasons a life beautifully lived is a series of seasons a legendary producer is not always at the top of the mountain and so stop resisting I encourage you stop resisting the natural flow of epic performance stop resisting the natural seasons of life you see and so what happens is when you stop struggling and you learn again it’s a muscle but you just learn to relax with life and you simply understand part of living a legendary business life and part of living a rare air personal life means you’re going to have seasons of so-called success in society maybe it’s making a lot of money being really productive being at the top of your game receiving the accolades of peers feeling you are nailing your your your goals and your ambitions and your KPIs or key performance indicators and you’re going seasons where you’re confused seasons where you feel heartbroken these seasons where you feel depleted seasons where you are struggling and the more you learn to relax into every season the more you will generate this internal power which I call confidence.

Bulletproofing Your Total Focus Bubble

The third method that changemakers use to generate great levels of confidence: they bulletproof their TBT F-type bubble of total focus. In previous podcasts, I’ve encouraged you to build a tight bubble of total focus around yourself. In this age of dramatic distraction, you can be distracted, or you can do iconic work—you just don’t get to do both.

The most productive people on the planet, the people with the greatest impact in the world, they all have this metaphorical tight bubble of total focus that they build around their mindsets, their heartsets, and their work routines. To generate massive amounts of confidence, you almost have to bulletproof yourself so nothing toxic, nothing distracting, no interruptions can get in.

What happens is you literally start to drop into transient hypofrontality. That’s the neurobiological phenomenon that happens when you drop into solitude and you get out of distraction. You get into this monomaniacal focus where you slow down the cortisol flow, which is the fear hormone, and you increase serotonin and you increase dopamine, which is the inspirational neurotransmitter. Your prefrontal cortex, which is the seat of reasoning and that chattering mind that goes on all day, actually gets silent for a brief burst of time. That’s why they call it transient hypofrontality. For a short period of your time, your prefrontal cortex becomes really, really quiet, and that drops your brain from beta waves to alpha waves.

Researchers like me, hi Chick Sent Me, I call this the flow state. When you are playing basketball and you’re really in the moment, in the flow of life, hours go by in minutes, and all of a sudden you find these superhuman abilities. Maybe you’re at work and you’re just jamming on a project with your teammates, and you’re actually having fun. Well, again, the whole day goes by, and you did your best work. That’s flow. How do you get to flow? By protecting and bulletproofing your mindset, your heartset, and you doing your best work. Another way to bulletproof your mindset and create this tight bubble of total focus is really understanding the…

Understanding the Natural Negativity Bias

The fourth way to generate confidence is to understand that the brain has a natural negativity bias. I’ve alluded to this and spoken about this on previous podcasts, but you know this ancient brain, the amygdala, it served us really well. It was a survival mechanism that was developed within the human brain hundreds and thousands of years ago. So, we were out on the Savannah, and we had to fight. We had to be hyper-vigilant to saber-toothed tigers, starvation, to being killed. And now we are in modern society, but we still have this ancient brain, this negativity bias.

And what I’m suggesting to you, and I know you know this, but how many times in your own life you have a great day, you focus on the tiny losses? You have a great life, your brain naturally goes to the things that are not right. You give a great presentation to a hundred people, and you focus on one negative comment. With your intimate partner, he or she has a thousand incredible qualities, and you focus on the three negative qualities. Why does that happen? It’s because your brain has a natural bias towards negativity, the negativity bias.

And again, tonight, pull out your journal and write about the negativity bias and how that’s depleting you and how that’s limiting you. And on this fourth point about how change makers generate great confidence, you want to recode your mindset to fight and then beat and then transcend your brain’s natural negativity bias.

And how do you do that? You simply focus on where you are winning rather than saying what needs to improve. You can ask yourself this great question and journal about it. You can do a 30-day journaling challenge where you start to ask yourself, “Where am I winning in my life?” And you do that every day. You start to rewire your neurobiology and your interior psychology.

You can ask yourself before you go to sleep every night, I call this the nightly three. It’s one of the rituals I teach at my events like the Titans. And every night before you go to sleep, you can do this while you’re laying in bed, just mentally or you can write it down. You can keep your journal by your bedside table. It’s a ritual you can install. Ask yourself, “What are three good things that happened to me today?” And wherever possible, let’s say you do a nature walk, let’s say you’re commuting home from the office, you start to build these rituals where you train your brain because the brain is a muscle, and you start to ask yourself, “Where am I winning? What was good today? What am I grateful for in my life?”

Here’s another great question, “How could this be worse?” You know, I live in Canada, and there is an iconic rock group. They’re almost like Canada’s national rock group, and they’re called The Tragically Hip. And they have been famous for decades, and they do beautiful, beautiful music. You know, and I mean their music has got me through great times, and their music has got me through painful times. And I just think, in many ways, their music is genius. And the frontman, his name is Gordon E, and a lot of people describe the way he moved, you know, he moved like he was on a trance, and he was a poet, he was a great friend, definitely one of the greatest frontmen in the history of rock music, and you know, I don’t say that lightly.

Stop Comparing

The final way the changemakers generate confidence is they stop comparing. This may seem obvious, but I’m going to invite you to really think about how many times even in a single day you compare your success to competition, you compare your life to what it looks like your neighbors have, you compare where you are on the journey of your life to what society says other people are living and what the majority defines success as.

And you know, I’m encouraging you, when you stay in your lane, there is no competition. And one of the great recipes for a life lived unhappily is to spend your best hours, your best days comparing yourself. “Oh, this person has a nicer car, oh, this person has a nicer family, oh, this person has a beautiful home, they must have it all together.” Well, here’s the reality: almost every single one of us alive today, we’re struggling. We’re struggling with something. We’re struggling with a job issue, a financial issue, a health issue, a relationship issue, a spiritual issue. And you know, all these people that you see on the street wearing happy faces designed to suggest they have massive confidence, they’re just like all of us. We’re all just trying to figure it out. We all have something we want to work on in our lives. There’s always some weakness we can pivot on and make better. That’s the human journey.

So, my encouragement to you here today on this podcast, where I share from my heart as much passion and love and wisdom and leadership insight as I can bring on for you, stop comparing your life. Because you know what? Everyone has something that they’re working on, and the people you think—I’ve worked with billionaires, and I get an inside private glimpse of how they live every single day, of their psychology, of their emotionality, of the struggles that they have within their family. Many of them are self-medicating themselves. You think they have a beautiful life? They’re struggling with just getting through the day. And it is such an illusion that so many of the people that we think have everything, many of them have nothing.

So, please stop comparing your income, your car, your social status, your house, your family life, whatever it is, your business, with other businesses in your field, with others. You stay in your own lane, run your own race, develop the wisdom, bravery, and confidence to say, “Here’s what success stands for me. It might not be society’s measure of success. It might not even be my neighbor’s measure of success. It may not be my mom or my dad or even my loved ones’ measure of success. But this is what instinct feels right to me, and this is how I define success in my life according to my values in the world.” And then just don’t compare to anyone else. Live that.

I hope this podcast has been of value to you. I hope it’s given you some great ideas to dial in on your confidence. And remember, ideation without execution is delusion. I want you to start acting. I mean, confidence really is a muscle. Start acting on these ideas, even tiny incremental improvements in execution ability today will build this momentum over time. Write small daily improvements over time will lead to stunning results. So make those improvements today, right, so tomorrow is an even better day.

I’ll talk to you in the next mastery session. Thank you so much for being with me. This is Robin Sharma. I hope you received great value from this mastery session. If you’d like to receive potent training videos, blog posts, learning tools, and information on my two live events, Personal Mastery Academy and my flagship 4-day experience, the Titan Summit, go ahead and visit RobinSharma.com.